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G-d Just Watches Us and Kills Us When We Get Boring

We must never be boring.

Created on 2005-04-15 21:48:26 (#6811836), last updated 2007-11-21

883 comments received, 1,173 comments posted

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427 Journal Entries, 0 Tags, 0 Memories, 100+ ScrapBook Files, 0 Virtual Gifts, 13 Userpics

Basic Info

Name:	Nick Dean/Nicole P. Pearson
Birthdate:	1986-08-03
Location:	Gainesville, Florida, United States
Website:	My Plaza

Bio

Life is nothing but a series of patterns. Patterns of what those before us have done.

But you have a choice.

Just repeat the pattern...
Or change it.
Find out what life is about for you. Not for anyone else.

Mantras:

most of these are jokes...

"People always say to me, "You know, Courtney you have such a great voice but why does your band suck so much?" and I tell them "EAT IT! EAT MY FUCKING PUSSY! EAT IT!""

The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.

When the winds of change blow hard enough, the most trivial of things can become deadly projectiles.

Let's agree to respect each others views, no matter how wrong yours may be.

It's lonely at the top, but it's comforting to look down upon everyone at the bottom.

Those who don't try never look foolish.

Every dark cloud has a silver lining, but lightning kills hundreds of people each year who are trying to find it.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Then again, so does falling down a flight of stairs.

Alright already!

I'm sure that you've now realized i'm quite the fucked up individual but if you still are unsure, here's a little bit about me.

English Accent

For the past 15 years I've worked for the Smythe family of Elbourne, England. That's Smythe, not Smith, dear. And for them, I did housecleaning, cooking, and took care of their four glorious children. I grew quite attached to them after years, but they grew up, as children tend to...

Wait a minute...
I'm not Mrs. Doubtfire!

::hits head on desk::
Wrong channel!

Suppose all ya ever had for breakfast was onion rolls. Then one day, in walks (gasp) a bagel! You'd say, 'Ugh, what's that?' Until you tried it! That's my problem - I'm a bagel on a plate full of onion rolls. Nobody recognizes me! Listen, I got 36 expressions. Sweet as pie and tough as leather. And that's six expressions more than all those...Barrymores put together. Instead of just kicking me, why don't they give me a lift? Well, it must be a plot, 'cause they're scared that I got...such a gift! 'Cause I'm the greatest star, I am by far, but no one knows it. Wait - they're gonna hear a voice, a silver flute. They'll cheer each toot, hey, she's terrific!, when I expose it. Now can't you see to look at me that I'm a natural Camille, and as Camille, I just feel, I've so much to offer. Kid, I know I'd be divine because I'm a natural cougher (coughs) - some ain't got it, not a lump. I'm a great big clump of talent! Laugh, they'll bend in half. Did you ever hear the story about the travelling salesman? A thousand jokes, stick around for the jokes. A thousand faces. I reiterate. When you're gifted, then you're gifted. These are facts, I've got no axe to grind. Ay! What are ya, blind? In all of the world so far, I'm the greatest star! No autographs, please. What? You think beautiful girls are gonna stay in style forever? I should say not! Any minute now they're gonna be out! FINISHED! Then it'll be my turn!

...

Now that I have you thoroughly disturbed, a taste of my favorite monologue from the fabulous Miss Coco Peru (who I had dinner with in Gainesville!).

(In a club restroom, Gabriel is trying to relieve himself, as a drag queen enters.)

Miss Coco Peru: So, are you and Mark boyfriends?

Gabriel (Christian Campbell): I'm sorry?

Miss Coco Peru: What's your name?

Gabriel: Gabriel.

Miss Coco Peru: Gabriel, as in "Blow, Gabriel, blow?"

Gabriel: I've heard that before.

Miss Coco Peru: Yeah well. I'm Miss Coco Peru. Hello. Hi. So, is Mark your boyfriend, or just a trick?

Gabriel: I don't know what we are.

Miss Coco Peru: Oh i've heard that before. oh Gabriel.. Gabriel Gabriel Gabriel. Look, i'm not one to gossip. It's not my nature. Truth. Truth. Now that's my nature.

Gabriel: Can you stand over there?

Miss Coco Peru: A little pee-shy? Don't worry, Miss Coco is here to help. Gabriel, you look like a nice person, you do. So, as a truth seeker, i feel it's my duty to tell you that Mark is a no-good fuckin' piece of rat shit. Don't get me wrong, he's handsome, he's charming, huge penis. HUGE penis. Oh believe me Gabriel, I know. I know.

Gabriel: I'd really like to hear this, but could you --

Miss Coco Peru: Turn around? Sure. I remember the first time i met him. Oh yeah, it was two years ago, gay pride day, I was on the train going home from the festivities, and he was sitting across from me sleeping. But he wasn't really sleeping.. Oh no. He was pretending to sleep because he knows he looks like an angel when he's sleeping and not the anti-christ he really is. And even though i could tell he was fakin', i went along with it. Call me crazy, i dont know. Anyway, we started talking and he gives me some line about some old lady he lives with and he asked if he could go back to my place. I told him, "I don't invite strangers to my apartment". And then he looks down at his crotch and then back up at me, and he says "It's big, it's beautiful and you're gonna love it." I said "Oh, alright", and as he walked me back to my apartment on that gay night of nights, he took my hand gently into his, and for a moment I felt like the luckiest drag queen in the world, and I fantasized: yeah, this is it.
This is the man i'm gonna spend the rest of my life with. I'd be the one to show him the virtues of a loving heart. But do you know what he did? He took that heart, he tossed it on the floor and with his little satan hooves he jumped. He jumped hard. The truth is gabriel when we got back to my apartment he grabbed me and threw me on the bed, he tore off all my clothes. *knocking on the restroom door* WILL YOU HOLD ON ONE GODDAMN MINUTE?! Jesus Christ, now i forgot where I was. Where was I?

Gabriel: Threw you on the bed, tore off all your clothes.

Miss Coco Peru: Oh right, so I'm lickin his balls and the next thing I know, he cums in my eye and he's out the door. Gone. You ever get cum in your eye Gabriel, HMM? It BURNS. So, there I was, laying in the middle of my bed completely naked with an eye full of cum, thinkin' to myself "oh hell no." And then the next day when I call the number he'd given me earlier it was the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens and would you believe they never even heard of a Mark Miranda? Am I bitter? Absolutely. Face it, you're just another phone number on a dirty cocktail napkin shoved into the bottom of his pocket. *Gabriel finally begins to urinate*. Good boy. Well, do what you will. I only offer you this information because i'm a giver. Who knows, maybe some day we'll meet again, and i'll be able to look at you and say, "Gabriel, Gabriel, I told you so."

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